I Got This?
“I’m a f*cking independent woman.”
“I don’t need anybody else.”
“I don’t want/need your help.”
“No, it’s fine! I didn’t need you or your help anyways.”
“I total get it if I’m inconveniencing you with this.”
“No it’s okay. I can do it.”
“Just don’t worry about it.”
“ I’ll add it to my to-do list then…”
“I got this on my own.”
This list can go on and on. From me speaking these words to someone else out of annoyance, anger, or frustration, I’ve gotten better at saying what I need from someone, but it’s been years in the making of being okay with that. But self work is never really done.
Going down memory briefly, I’ve learned over time in my life experiences that I couldn’t and shouldn’t rely on anybody. That was anywhere from date nights to general life arrangements, and I developed an internal belief on that, which I know now that it’s because my younger self just got f*cking tired of waiting on that person they needed. “F*ck it, I’m going to do it myself.” That’s what I did. I did it until I felt burnt out, in every way.
It’s okay to ask for help! I needed to bold that statement both in this blog and in my own mind as relying on someone doesn’t come easy and when we do, there’s still feelings of anxiety underneath with someone giving a helping hand. For me, it was and sometimes is still survival mode. For me, asking for help felt like an impossible thing because it stemmed from many different responses: “can’t do it”, “it’s an inconvenience”, “ugh I’m busy.” Again, the list goes on.
I’ve found that setting boundaries within myself has allowed me to take a step back and just focus on the immediates now or give myself a break when I’ve already had a lot of wins for the day. I have to remind myself that I only have two hands, even when my stubborn streak is like “nahh one more task, one more thing than we can rest.” Rest was not seen as a positive thing. Rest was when you’re sick, when you’re injured, when you had an emergency. It wasn’t seen as “you’ve done enough today.” “take a break, you’re making progress” “little wins matter too, time to recharge now.”
Little bit of progress, no matter the amount is better than none at all. Truly is. Yes, if you have a deadline, meet that deadline. Just don’t procrastinate or cram it all in one sitting. Space it out, give yourself time. These are for tasks that you give yourself, boundaries need to be made known for someone assigning you things, since both your agenda and theirs matters.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m the queen of this haha seriously it’s a work in progress for me to be gentle with myself. Trying to accomplish things and be good at something in order to receive love was what brought me to this moment. But it’s okay because I’m a beautiful work in progress and celebrating those small wins is both healing and uplifting for me. I give myself compassion.
So, do you got this? Yes, you absolutely do! Do you need to maybe be on the healthier side of that and celebrate the wins you make? Give yourself time to recharge in between? Ask for a hand when the task is a bit too overwhelming? Yes, you need to!
Take care of yourself,
Nessa <3
